11.17.2021

The character sketches below belong to you: use them, morph them, absorb them as you please.

This group’s theme is “Thanksgiving family dramedy.”

Aunt Katie

Age: 40s
Occupation: Chorus teacher, Girl Scout troop leader
Are they in therapy: Never

Aunt Katie wears a wrist brace that switches arms weekly for an unknown ailment and an array of Girl Scout patches that she didn’t earn. She enters by tripping over the threshold, her feet sticking out of the door like the wicked witch of whatever direction it is. The rest of the evening is turned into a funeral for her supposedly sprained ankle and a roast of the kids in the middle school chorus, who always butcher her original pieces. After a few glasses of apple cider sangria, she’ll start picking apart her sister’s cooking and telling stories about the time an agent came up to her at the mall and told her she should be an actress.

Cousin Marley

Age: 19
Occupation: Media studies student
Are they in therapy: Since she was 6

Cousin Marley spent all morning putting on harlequin makeup while her parents argued about the difference between sweet potatoes and yams down the hall. At dinner, she wordlessly dares anyone to comment on her look and has the perfect eye roll prepared if they do, but her whole thing is upstaged by Aunt Katie’s ankle. They could either become enemies or unlikely allies after Marley spots Katie walking easily to the bathroom on both feet.

Cousin Sarah and Cousin Sarah’s New Boyfriend

Age: 20s
Occupation: Micro-influencer/freelance photographer
Are they in therapy: They only need each other

He wears an orange beanie; she wears a Glossier hoodie. He spends all night photographing the food for a project on suburbia but hardly eats anything, repeatedly explaining, “It’s not the taste, it’s the texture.” She spends the evening tweeting Riverdale spoilers and complimenting his photos without looking up. He genuinely laughs at a Boss Baby parade float. She cries on Instagram Live when she finds out the pecan pie contains dairy.

Aunt Christina

Age: 50s
Occupation: Town council member
Are they in therapy: She supports the concept, but doesn’t need it

Aunt Christina, the host and Marley’s mother, has been prepping for dinner all week. This preparation has included three anxiety-fueled visits to her psychic, who told her not to trust anyone wearing patterned socks. She spends the whole night trying to inspect everyone’s feet under the table, leading her to spill a tray of green beans on her husband. He pushes out his chair in shock and she panics, but realizes the splatters on his tube socks are just from the spilled food. Then she looks down. Amid this morning’s chaos, she absentmindedly put on argyle socks. She drops to her knees.